My Addiction To Cheap Bologna

I have a serious addiction to cheap bologna. The hard stuff. We are talking about store brand 99 cent for 16 oz. cheap bologna. What is the magic ingredient that keeps me coming back? Is sodium nitrite addictive? I wish I knew. Maybe it is the garlic they put in this wondrous slice of sheer joy. I've tried the more expensive cuts of bologna that are more consistent with my dog status level. Yet I just can't get the kroger value bologna monkey off my back. Oh sweet sweet bologna, how can you mock me like this!? I was going to write the 12 steps for quitting bologna. I just can't do it now. Need Bologna. Now.