Top Ten Ways Life Would be Different if Dogs Ran the World

10. More Donahue shows about shedding
9. Presidential candidates more likely to stop in mid-speech and sniff base of podium
8. Cats must report address to Post Office every year
7. Procter and Gamble introduce new liver-flavored Crest
6. Drinking from toilet no longer considered a faux pas
5. Museums filled with still lifes of table scraps
4. Constitutional amendment extends vote to wolves
3. TV commercials altered so dog catches and devours little chuckwagon
2. Monument in Washington to "Our Neutered Brothers"
1. All motorists must drive with head out of car window


—David Letterman, Steve O'Donnell, et al.,The "Late Night With David Letterman" Book of Top Ten Lists (NY: Pocket Books, 1990), p. 90