Funny But Corny Dog Jokes

Funny but ever so corny dog jokes, these will have you rolling on the floor in laughter, or maybe not.

What do you call a happy Lassie?
A jolly collie

What kind of dog sniffs out new flowers?
A bud hound

What is the dogs favourite city?
New Yorkie

Why did the dachshund bite the woman's ankle?
Because he was short and couldn't reach any higher

Why did the snowman call his dog Frost?
Because frost bites

Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?
He was trying to make both ends meet

Where does a Rottweiller sit in the cinema?
Anywhere it wants to

Why do dogs wag their tails?
Because no one else will do it for them

What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?
He stole the show

When is the most likely time that a stray dog will walk into your house?
When the door is open

What do you get if you cross a dog and a cheetah?
A dog that chases cars - and catches them

What happens when it rains cats and dogs?
You can step in a poodle

What is a dog's favourite sport?
Formula 1 drooling

What is a dog's favourite food?
Anything that is on your plate

What do you get if you cross a computer and a Rottweiller?
A computer with a lot of bites

What do you get if you cross a dog with a kangaroo?
A dog that has somewhere to put its own lead

What do you get if you cross a dog and a sheep?
A sheep that can round itself up

What do you get if you cross a dog and a lion ?
A terrified postman

Why do dogs run in circles?
Because its hard to run in squares

Eleven dogs shared one umbrella, yet none got wet. How did they manage?
It wasn't raining.

How can you tell a dog from a jar of peanut butter?
The shaggy dog doesn't stick to the roof of your mouth.

How can you tell a dog from a tomato?
The tomato is red.

How can you tell a dog from an elephant?
The elephant remembers.

How did the dog feel when he lost his flashlight?
Delighted.

How did the dog get into the locked cemetery at night?
He used a skeleton key.

How did the dog make anti-freeze?
He stole her blanket.

How did the dog make gold soup?
He put in 24 carrots.

How did the dog's owner know his pet was angry about having soap flakes for breakfast?
He foamed at the mouth.

How do you keep a dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your back yard.

What did the dog do when a man-eating tiger followed him?
Nothing. It was a man-eating tiger, not a dog-eating one.

What did the dog get when he multiplied 497 by 684?
The wrong answer.

What did the dog say to the candle?
Are you going out tonight?

What did the dog say to the pig?
You are just a bore.

What did the dog say when he chased his tail?
This is the end.

What does a dog become after it is six years old?
Seven years old.

What dog can jump higher than a tree?
Any dog can jump higher than a tree. Trees don't jump.

What eats dog food, lives in a doghouse and is very dangerous?
A dog with a machine gun.

What flower did Lassie like best?
A collie flower.

What is black and white and red all over?
A Dalmatian with a bad sunburn.

What is taller when it sits down than when it stands up?
A dog.

What is the difference between a barking dog and an umbrella?
The umbrella can be shut up.

What is the difference between a dog and a mailbox?
If you don't know you must lose a lot of mail.

What is worse than a dog howling at the moon?
Two dogs howling at the moon.

What looks like a dog, sounds like a dog, eats like a dog, but isn't a dog?
A pup.

What place of business helps dogs who have lost their tails?
A retail store.

What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed?
Sleep on the sofa.

What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog wearing your favourite tie?
Go see a doctor. You have been seeing too many 500-pound dogs lately.

What should you do if you find an angry 500-pound dog in your kitchen?
Eat out.

What should you do if you see a vicious dog?
Hope he doesn't see you.

What should you do with a blue dog?
Cheer him up.

What should you know before you teach your dog a new trick?
You should know more than your dog.

What time is it when five dogs are chasing a cat down the street?
Five after one.

What time is it when your watchdog lets a robber take the family silver?
Time to get a new watchdog.

What was the dog doing on the turnpike?
About seven miles an hour.

What word did the dog always pronounce incorrectly?
Incorrectly.

What would you call a nine day old dog in Russia?
A puppy.

What would you get if you crossed a chicken with a dog?
A hen that lays pooched eggs.

When do dogs have 16 legs?
When there are four of them.

When is a dog most impolite?
When he points.

When is a dog most likely to enter the house?
When the door is open.

When you catch your dog eating a dictionary, what should you do?
Take the words right out of his mouth.

Where do you usually find dogs?
It all depends on where you lose them.

Where was the dog when the lights went out?
In the dark.

Which dog can tell time?
A watchdog.

Which side of a dog has the most hair?
The outside, of course.

Who gave the dog a black eye?
Nobody gave it to him. He had to fight for it.

Why are dogs such poor dancers?
They have two left feet.

Why did the dog go to the doctor after a tomato fell on his head?
The tomato was in a can.

Why did the dog jump off the Empire State Building?
He wanted to make a hit on Broadway.

Why did the dog jump up and down on the potato patch?
He hoped to raise mashed potatoes.

Why did the dog mistake the dog catcher for a grape?
He was colour-blind.

Why did the dog run in circles?
He was a watchdog and needed winding.

Why did the dog say he was an actor?
His leg was in a cast.

Why did the dog say meow?
He was learning a foreign language.