10. More Donahue shows about shedding
9. Presidential candidates more likely to stop in mid-speech and sniff base of podium
8. Cats must report address to Post Office every year
7. Procter and Gamble introduce new liver-flavored Crest
6. Drinking from toilet no longer considered a faux pas
5. Museums filled with still lifes of table scraps
4. Constitutional amendment extends vote to wolves
3. TV commercials altered so dog catches and devours little chuckwagon
2. Monument in Washington to "Our Neutered Brothers"
1. All motorists must drive with head out of car window
—David Letterman, Steve O'Donnell, et al.,The "Late Night With David Letterman" Book of Top Ten Lists (NY: Pocket Books, 1990), p. 90
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
How To Bathe A Cat
How To Bathe A Cat
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.
3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for any purchase they can find.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "powerwash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.
Sincerely, The DOG
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.
3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for any purchase they can find.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "powerwash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.
Sincerely, The DOG
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Let Sleeping Dogs Lie
Whoever coined the phrase, "Let Sleeping Dogs Lie," didn't share a bed with dogs.
The first thing you discover when you bring a dog into your bed is the striking difference in weight between an alert, awake dog and a dog at rest.
• Rule Number One: The deeper the sleep, the heavier the dog. Most people who sleep with dogs develop spinal deformities rather than rent the heavy equipment necessary to move their snoring canines to a more appropriate part of the bed. Cunning canines steal precious space in tiny increments until they have achieved the center position on the bed — with all covers carefully tucked under them for safekeeping. The stretch and roll method is very effective in gaining territory. Less subtle tactics are sometimes preferred. A jealous dog can worm his way between a sleeping couple and, with the proper spring action from all four legs, shove a sleeping human to the floor.
• Rule Number Two: Dogs possess superhuman strength while on a bed. As you cling to the edge of the bed, wishing you had covers, your sweet pup begins to snore at a volume you would not have thought possible. Once that quiets down, the dog dreams begin. Yipping, growling, running, kicking. Your bed becomes a battlefield and playground of canine fantasy. It starts out with a bit of "sleep running," lots of eye movement and then, suddenly, a shrieking howl blasted through the night like a banshee wail. The horror of this wake-up call haunts you for years. It's particularly devastating when your pup insists on sleeping curled around your head like a demented Daniel Boone cap.
• Rule Number Three: The deeper the sleep, the louder the dog. The night creeps on and you fall asleep in the 3 inches of bed not claimed by a dog. The dog dreams quiet slightly and the heap of dogflesh sleeps breathing heavily and passing wind. Then, too soon, it's dawn and the heap stirs. Each dog has a distinctive and unpleasant method of waking the pack. One may position itself centimeters from a face and stare until you wake. The clever dog obtains excellent results by simply sneezing on your face, or it could romp all over your sleeping bodies. And then there is the ever-loving insertion of a tongue in an unsuspecting ear.
• Rule Number Four: When the dog wakes, you wake. So, why do we put up with this? There's no sane reason. Perhaps it's just that we're a pack and a pack heaps together at night; safe, contented, heavy and loud.
The first thing you discover when you bring a dog into your bed is the striking difference in weight between an alert, awake dog and a dog at rest.
• Rule Number One: The deeper the sleep, the heavier the dog. Most people who sleep with dogs develop spinal deformities rather than rent the heavy equipment necessary to move their snoring canines to a more appropriate part of the bed. Cunning canines steal precious space in tiny increments until they have achieved the center position on the bed — with all covers carefully tucked under them for safekeeping. The stretch and roll method is very effective in gaining territory. Less subtle tactics are sometimes preferred. A jealous dog can worm his way between a sleeping couple and, with the proper spring action from all four legs, shove a sleeping human to the floor.
• Rule Number Two: Dogs possess superhuman strength while on a bed. As you cling to the edge of the bed, wishing you had covers, your sweet pup begins to snore at a volume you would not have thought possible. Once that quiets down, the dog dreams begin. Yipping, growling, running, kicking. Your bed becomes a battlefield and playground of canine fantasy. It starts out with a bit of "sleep running," lots of eye movement and then, suddenly, a shrieking howl blasted through the night like a banshee wail. The horror of this wake-up call haunts you for years. It's particularly devastating when your pup insists on sleeping curled around your head like a demented Daniel Boone cap.
• Rule Number Three: The deeper the sleep, the louder the dog. The night creeps on and you fall asleep in the 3 inches of bed not claimed by a dog. The dog dreams quiet slightly and the heap of dogflesh sleeps breathing heavily and passing wind. Then, too soon, it's dawn and the heap stirs. Each dog has a distinctive and unpleasant method of waking the pack. One may position itself centimeters from a face and stare until you wake. The clever dog obtains excellent results by simply sneezing on your face, or it could romp all over your sleeping bodies. And then there is the ever-loving insertion of a tongue in an unsuspecting ear.
• Rule Number Four: When the dog wakes, you wake. So, why do we put up with this? There's no sane reason. Perhaps it's just that we're a pack and a pack heaps together at night; safe, contented, heavy and loud.
Monday, May 26, 2008
HOW MANY DOGS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?
Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
Rottweiler: Make me.
Lab: Oh, me, me!!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I?
Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.
Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.
Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark....
Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.
Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
Irish Wolfhound: Can somebody else do it? I've got this hangover.....
Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there....
Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle....
Old English Sheep Dog: I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb?
Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz
Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
Rottweiler: Make me.
Lab: Oh, me, me!!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I?
Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.
Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.
Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark....
Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.
Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
Irish Wolfhound: Can somebody else do it? I've got this hangover.....
Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there....
Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle....
Old English Sheep Dog: I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb?
Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz
Jesus Is Watching
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, clicked the light back on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot. "Yep," the parrot confessed, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who the hell are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses" the burglar laughed. "What kind of stupid people would name a parrot Moses?" "Probably the same kind of people that would name a Rotweiler Jesus," the bird answered.
A Dog's View of Obedience Class
The (obedience) tests will bore you to death, but with your own variations you can play forever and score your own way:
HEEL ON LEAD: Walk as slowly as you can, then spring forward with all your weight. If your handler falls flat on his face you score 25 points.
RECALL: When your handler shouts at you, assume rock deafness. On no account sit in front of your handler, because he will only make you heel. 25 points if your handler loses his voice.
RETRIEVE THE DUMBBELL: On no account fetch it back, because he will only throw it away again. If he wants the stupid piece of wood let him fetch it himself; you will be helping to train him not to throw away things he really wants...you get 5 points every time the handler gets the dumbbell.
SIT: Stay one inch off the ground at the backend. This builds muscles and makes your rear legs stronger, which will help you pull your handler down on the HEEL ON LEAD.
CONCLUSION: Do any exercise you choose perfectly! This will leave your handler thinking that the earlier mistakes were his fault, and he will take you to training classes week after week.
HEEL ON LEAD: Walk as slowly as you can, then spring forward with all your weight. If your handler falls flat on his face you score 25 points.
RECALL: When your handler shouts at you, assume rock deafness. On no account sit in front of your handler, because he will only make you heel. 25 points if your handler loses his voice.
RETRIEVE THE DUMBBELL: On no account fetch it back, because he will only throw it away again. If he wants the stupid piece of wood let him fetch it himself; you will be helping to train him not to throw away things he really wants...you get 5 points every time the handler gets the dumbbell.
SIT: Stay one inch off the ground at the backend. This builds muscles and makes your rear legs stronger, which will help you pull your handler down on the HEEL ON LEAD.
CONCLUSION: Do any exercise you choose perfectly! This will leave your handler thinking that the earlier mistakes were his fault, and he will take you to training classes week after week.
Faithful Dog
A fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping. At a kennel specializing in a certain breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied with equal speed, using his paws with dexterity. They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home. That night they had friends over. They were so proud of their new fundamentalist dog and his major skills,that they called the dog and showed off a little. The friends were impressed, and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks, as well. This stopped the couple cold, as they hadn't thought about "normal" tricks or attended to such fundamental matters as basic obedience training. Well, they said to themselves, "Let's try this out." Once more they called the dog, and they clearly pronounced the command, "Heel!" Quick as a wink, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the man's forehead, closed his eyes in concentration, and bowed his head.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Dog Definitions for Common English Words
Dog Definitions for Common English Words
LEASH: A strap that attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.
DOG BED: Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.
DROOL: Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't.� To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.
SNIFF: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog's rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several times, or until your person makes you stop. This can also be done to humans' crotches.
GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right, you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume, and moldy crusts of bread.
BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly, and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.
DEAFNESS: This is a malady that affects dogs when their person wants them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.
THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels.
WASTEBASKET: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrappers. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house until your person comes home.
SOFAS: Are to dogs as napkins are to people. After eating, it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean.
BATH: This is a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls, and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.
BUMP: The best way to get your humans' attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.
GOOSE BUMP: A maneuver to use as a last resort when the Regular Bump doesn't get the attention you require...especially effective when combined with The Sniff. See above.
LOVE: Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, your humans will love you in return. If not, you can always sniff their crotches.
LEASH: A strap that attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.
DOG BED: Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.
DROOL: Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't.� To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.
SNIFF: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog's rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several times, or until your person makes you stop. This can also be done to humans' crotches.
GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right, you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume, and moldy crusts of bread.
BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly, and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.
DEAFNESS: This is a malady that affects dogs when their person wants them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.
THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels.
WASTEBASKET: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrappers. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house until your person comes home.
SOFAS: Are to dogs as napkins are to people. After eating, it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean.
BATH: This is a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls, and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.
BUMP: The best way to get your humans' attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.
GOOSE BUMP: A maneuver to use as a last resort when the Regular Bump doesn't get the attention you require...especially effective when combined with The Sniff. See above.
LOVE: Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, your humans will love you in return. If not, you can always sniff their crotches.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Top Ten Jerry Springer Dog Topics
~Top Ten Jerry Springer Dog Topics~
10. Beggin Strip Addicts
9. Dogs Who Use The Litter Box
8. Neuticles: Post-Neutering Cosmetic Surgery
7. Are Cats To Be Trusted?
6. China: Dog Eating Killers
5. Dogs Who Take Tick Baths With Their Owners
4. Dogs Who Can't Say No
3. Should Dogs wear Clothes?
2. Pig Ear Fetish
1. When you need to Stop Licking Yourself
10. Beggin Strip Addicts
9. Dogs Who Use The Litter Box
8. Neuticles: Post-Neutering Cosmetic Surgery
7. Are Cats To Be Trusted?
6. China: Dog Eating Killers
5. Dogs Who Take Tick Baths With Their Owners
4. Dogs Who Can't Say No
3. Should Dogs wear Clothes?
2. Pig Ear Fetish
1. When you need to Stop Licking Yourself
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Dog Classified Ads
~These are some funny dog classifieds listed in newspapers across the US~
Free Rottweiler. Eats anything, is fond of small children.
For sale—eight puppies from a German shepherd and an Alaskan hussy.
Great Dames for sale.
Lost: small beagle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
Free puppies. Half black labrador, half sneaky neighbor's dog.
Found—dirty white dog. Looks like a rat. Been out awhile. Better be reward.
Free chihuahua. Eight years old. Mean little dog.
Free Rottweiler. Eats anything, is fond of small children.
For sale—eight puppies from a German shepherd and an Alaskan hussy.
Great Dames for sale.
Lost: small beagle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
Free puppies. Half black labrador, half sneaky neighbor's dog.
Found—dirty white dog. Looks like a rat. Been out awhile. Better be reward.
Free chihuahua. Eight years old. Mean little dog.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
A Knight Like This...
It was a bitter cold winter's day, a very long time ago when knighthood was in flower, as the saying goes. Sir Galahad, the pride of King Arthur's round table, set forth on a mission of derring-do.
The weather turned worse and soon the light snow grew to blizzard proportions. Galahad's horse, stumbling and exhausted, might have collapsed in another minute, but fortunately toward nightfall they came across Shapiro's tavern. Grateful for this unexpected sanctuary, Sir Galahad rushed inside and warmed himself by the fire. His horse, poor creature, was bedded in the stable, safe at last from the howling elements.
"Mr. Shapiro," said the knight, "if you will provide me with another horse I will be on my way."
"What's the big rush in such rotten weather?" Shapiro wanted to know. "I'm thinking of slaying a dragon," answered Sir Galahad. "I'll save you some of the meat."
"Feh! Dragon flesh my people don't eat! But no matter, a horse I haven't got for you anyway."
"But I'm a bold knight," protested Sir Galahad. "If you haven't a horse for me, how about that big Saint Bernard lying there by the fire? A dog that size should be able to carry me easily."
"Sir Galahad," thundered Shapiro indignantly, "I wouldn't even consider sending a knight out on a dog like this!"
—Encyclopedia of Jewish Humor From Biblical Times to the Modern Age, ed. Henry D. Spalding (NY: Jonathan David, 1979), p. 131
The weather turned worse and soon the light snow grew to blizzard proportions. Galahad's horse, stumbling and exhausted, might have collapsed in another minute, but fortunately toward nightfall they came across Shapiro's tavern. Grateful for this unexpected sanctuary, Sir Galahad rushed inside and warmed himself by the fire. His horse, poor creature, was bedded in the stable, safe at last from the howling elements.
"Mr. Shapiro," said the knight, "if you will provide me with another horse I will be on my way."
"What's the big rush in such rotten weather?" Shapiro wanted to know. "I'm thinking of slaying a dragon," answered Sir Galahad. "I'll save you some of the meat."
"Feh! Dragon flesh my people don't eat! But no matter, a horse I haven't got for you anyway."
"But I'm a bold knight," protested Sir Galahad. "If you haven't a horse for me, how about that big Saint Bernard lying there by the fire? A dog that size should be able to carry me easily."
"Sir Galahad," thundered Shapiro indignantly, "I wouldn't even consider sending a knight out on a dog like this!"
—Encyclopedia of Jewish Humor From Biblical Times to the Modern Age, ed. Henry D. Spalding (NY: Jonathan David, 1979), p. 131
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
You know you are a dog person when....
* Your jewelry box contains no jewels — just those fasteners from vari-kennels.
* Everytime you read the name, Bob, you think the guy's first name is Best of Breed.
* You ask your vet whether you can ride in her sports car sometime.
* Your house isn't carpeted — the fuzzy furballs under your feet are soft enough.
* Your hungry husband comes home from work, lifts the cover of the pan on the stove and says, "Is this people food or dog food?"
* Your hungry husband once ate the dog food and asked for seconds.
* Your mother-in-law keeps asking when you are going to have children.
* You don't give a second thought to using the brush you just used on your dog to give a quick run through your own hair.
* At your dinner parties, you always double check the butter before putting it on the table.
* You put important papers in your latest issue of your breed magazine. You know you will find them there.
* You have dog hair stuck on tape on wrapped gifts.
* You have dog toy/treats in your briefcase. 10 pictures of your dogs, but you can't locate any pictures of your kids to send to grandma.
* You show up at the car dealer's with a ruler, to measure and see whether your big dog crate will fit. Before the actual purchase, you make the dealer cringe by insisting that you load both crates and dog into the shiny, new vehicle to make sure it works.
* You can't get the groceries in the car because
(a) it's already full of dog food or
(b) you have that big old crate in there.
* You visit relatives only if there is a dog show nearby.
* You remove all the seats from the van except the two in the front so you have room for crates.
* The passenger seat is full of dog stuff.
* You cringe at the price of food in the grocery store, but think nothing of the cost of dog food or treats.
* You have six squeaky hedgehogs.....but only one with a squeaky that works.
* Your mother knows the implication of a "major breaking."
* You put popcorn in the clean dog dish for a movie treat.
* You pull out your credit card and little bits of liver are stuck to it.
* When you get your latest roll of film, there isn't a single picture of a two-legged person in in it.
* People at work have stopped offering you their lint brushes. They realize it is a hopeless case.
* Friends no longer ask, "how was your weekend"; they ask, "how did the dogs do?"
* All babies and youngsters are "people puppies."
—— Reprinted from Springfield Kennel Club's Agility Entry Confirmation (1999)
* Everytime you read the name, Bob, you think the guy's first name is Best of Breed.
* You ask your vet whether you can ride in her sports car sometime.
* Your house isn't carpeted — the fuzzy furballs under your feet are soft enough.
* Your hungry husband comes home from work, lifts the cover of the pan on the stove and says, "Is this people food or dog food?"
* Your hungry husband once ate the dog food and asked for seconds.
* Your mother-in-law keeps asking when you are going to have children.
* You don't give a second thought to using the brush you just used on your dog to give a quick run through your own hair.
* At your dinner parties, you always double check the butter before putting it on the table.
* You put important papers in your latest issue of your breed magazine. You know you will find them there.
* You have dog hair stuck on tape on wrapped gifts.
* You have dog toy/treats in your briefcase. 10 pictures of your dogs, but you can't locate any pictures of your kids to send to grandma.
* You show up at the car dealer's with a ruler, to measure and see whether your big dog crate will fit. Before the actual purchase, you make the dealer cringe by insisting that you load both crates and dog into the shiny, new vehicle to make sure it works.
* You can't get the groceries in the car because
(a) it's already full of dog food or
(b) you have that big old crate in there.
* You visit relatives only if there is a dog show nearby.
* You remove all the seats from the van except the two in the front so you have room for crates.
* The passenger seat is full of dog stuff.
* You cringe at the price of food in the grocery store, but think nothing of the cost of dog food or treats.
* You have six squeaky hedgehogs.....but only one with a squeaky that works.
* Your mother knows the implication of a "major breaking."
* You put popcorn in the clean dog dish for a movie treat.
* You pull out your credit card and little bits of liver are stuck to it.
* When you get your latest roll of film, there isn't a single picture of a two-legged person in in it.
* People at work have stopped offering you their lint brushes. They realize it is a hopeless case.
* Friends no longer ask, "how was your weekend"; they ask, "how did the dogs do?"
* All babies and youngsters are "people puppies."
—— Reprinted from Springfield Kennel Club's Agility Entry Confirmation (1999)
Monday, May 19, 2008
Why a dog lifts its leg
Of all the eminent philosophers of Chelm [Jewish town in Eastern Europe, renowned for the foolishness of its inhabitants—a Yiddish equivalent of Gotham; JW], the only one who had never been confounded by a difficult question was the extraordinary thinker, Lemach. A group of students came to him one day, seeking to best him with their most puzzling riddles.
"Tell us, O great Lemach," said the spokesman, "why does a dog wag its tail?" "You really should not bring me such simple questions," Lemach answered. "The dog is stronger than its tail. Otherwise the tail would wag the dog."
Another student asked, "Why does the hair on a man's head turn gray sooner than his beard?" "It is because the hair on his head is twenty years older than his beard."
Again he was questioned: "Why is the sea salty?" "Because," replied Lemach without hesitation, "so many salty herrings live in it."
Finally the students asked the one question which they were sure he could not answer. "All our lives," explained the spokesman, "we have noticed that whenever a dog passes water he holds up one leg. Pray will you tell us, why is this?" "Surely you know the answer to that!" exclaimed Lemach. "It started thousands of years ago when a dog stopped at a tree to relieve his bladder. Suddenly a storm arose and a bolt of lightning felled the tree. The crashing trunk struck the little dog and killed it. Ever since then," concluded Lemach, "whenever a dog relieves himself he holds up the tree with his leg so it won't fall on him."
—Encyclopedia of Jewish Humor From Biblical Times to the Modern Age, ed. Henry D. Spalding (NY: Jonathan David, 1979), p. 130
"Tell us, O great Lemach," said the spokesman, "why does a dog wag its tail?" "You really should not bring me such simple questions," Lemach answered. "The dog is stronger than its tail. Otherwise the tail would wag the dog."
Another student asked, "Why does the hair on a man's head turn gray sooner than his beard?" "It is because the hair on his head is twenty years older than his beard."
Again he was questioned: "Why is the sea salty?" "Because," replied Lemach without hesitation, "so many salty herrings live in it."
Finally the students asked the one question which they were sure he could not answer. "All our lives," explained the spokesman, "we have noticed that whenever a dog passes water he holds up one leg. Pray will you tell us, why is this?" "Surely you know the answer to that!" exclaimed Lemach. "It started thousands of years ago when a dog stopped at a tree to relieve his bladder. Suddenly a storm arose and a bolt of lightning felled the tree. The crashing trunk struck the little dog and killed it. Ever since then," concluded Lemach, "whenever a dog relieves himself he holds up the tree with his leg so it won't fall on him."
—Encyclopedia of Jewish Humor From Biblical Times to the Modern Age, ed. Henry D. Spalding (NY: Jonathan David, 1979), p. 130
Sunday, May 18, 2008
China Fur Trade Killing Dogs
It is estimated that 2 million dogs and cats each year are killed in China for fur. The USA has banned the sale of dog and cat fur, and Europe has decided to follow suit, beginning in December of 2008. It has also been proven that China fur companies will oftentimes mislabel dog and cat fur to make it more marketable. For example, they will label the product as fake fur, when in fact it is dog fur. In addition, they use processing techniques to try to hide the fact that it is actually dog and cat fur. They use dog and cat fur in coats, fur trim, fur animal trinkets and more.
Dog fur is typically labelled as: Gae-wolf, sobaki, Asian jackal, goupee, loup d`Asie, Corsac fox, dogues du Chine, fake or exotic fur. Cat fur is labelled as: house cat, wild cat, katzenfelle, rabbit, goyangi, and mountain cat. For those stuffed animals that look like real fur, they will normally label them as rabbit fur or fake fur. An animal lover may buy a stuffed animal labelled as fake fur, but in actuality they will be purchasing an item made from the fur of some poor stray dog.
The live dogs in China are transported in small cages, and are treated brutally. Once they reach the destination, they are tied up, the vein in the back leg is cut, and they are slowly bled to death. It has been documented that in many cases they begin skinning the fur off before they are even dead. I'm sorry to put it so bluntly, but I feel like I need to tell my readers what is happening.
If you have any doubt regarding this information, I urge you to research it further. You can search by "China fur trade" or "stuffed dogs, real fur, china" or similar keywords. On CoCo the Blogging Dog, I mostly want to focus on happy things. I just wanted to get the word out, so that other animal lovers will not unknowingly support the dog and cat fur trade.
Dog fur is typically labelled as: Gae-wolf, sobaki, Asian jackal, goupee, loup d`Asie, Corsac fox, dogues du Chine, fake or exotic fur. Cat fur is labelled as: house cat, wild cat, katzenfelle, rabbit, goyangi, and mountain cat. For those stuffed animals that look like real fur, they will normally label them as rabbit fur or fake fur. An animal lover may buy a stuffed animal labelled as fake fur, but in actuality they will be purchasing an item made from the fur of some poor stray dog.
The live dogs in China are transported in small cages, and are treated brutally. Once they reach the destination, they are tied up, the vein in the back leg is cut, and they are slowly bled to death. It has been documented that in many cases they begin skinning the fur off before they are even dead. I'm sorry to put it so bluntly, but I feel like I need to tell my readers what is happening.
If you have any doubt regarding this information, I urge you to research it further. You can search by "China fur trade" or "stuffed dogs, real fur, china" or similar keywords. On CoCo the Blogging Dog, I mostly want to focus on happy things. I just wanted to get the word out, so that other animal lovers will not unknowingly support the dog and cat fur trade.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Commercial Pet Food
Commercial pet food recalls and warnings have become commonplace. For those of you interested in making your own dog food, here is dog food recipe book 1 and dog food recipe book 2. If you still want to purchase commercial food, I would proceed with caution. The first thing you need to look out for is the quality of ingredients in commercial dog food. Dog food companies are in it to make a profit, and typically dog food ingredients are very low quality. Equally as important, are incidents of dog food contamination from salmonella to poison. Public health officials are now warning dog owners to wash their hands immediately after handling commercial dog food and treats, due to cases of salmonella reported. There have been outbreaks of salmonella in many states proven to be caused by dog food. You can read more about the salmonella poison in dog food at the website for the US Dept of Health and Human Services. Diamond Pet foods has announced it's recalling of 19 of it's dog and cat foods due to contamination with aflatoxin. It is a toxic chemical used to prohibit the growth of fungus.
The list includes:
Diamond Premium Adult Dog Food
Diamond Hi-Energy Dog Food
Diamond Maintenance Dog Food
Diamond Professional for Adult Dogs
Diamond Performance Dog Food
Diamond Puppy Food
Diamond Low Fat Dog Food
Diamond Maintenance Cat Food
Diamond Professional Cat Food
Country Value Puppy
Country Value Adult Dog Food
Country Value High Energy Dog Food
Country Value Adult Cat Food
Professional Chicken & Rice Adult Dog Food
Professional Puppy Food
Professional Large-Breed Puppy Food
Professional Reduced Fat Cat Food
Professional Adult Cat Food
All of these pet food brands tested positive for the melamine poison in wheat:
Cat Food
Americas Choice, Preferred Pet
Authority
Best Choice
Blue Buffalo Spa Select Kitten dry food
Companion
Compliments
Demoulas/Market Basket
Doctors Foster & Smith
Eukanuba Cat Cuts and Flaked
Eukanuba Morsels in Gravy
Fine Feline Cat
Food Lion
Foodtown
Giant Companion
Hannaford
Hill Country Fare
Hill's Prescription Diet
Hy-Vee
Iams Cat Slices and Flakes
Iams Select Bites
J.E. Mondou
Laura Lynn
Lick Your Chops Lamb Meal, Rice & Egg Cat Food (3 lb. packages with April 29, 2008 use by date)
Li'l Red
Loving Meals
Medi-Cal
Meijer's Main Choice
Natural Balance Venison and Green Pea dry cat food
Nutriplan
Nutro Max Gourmet Classics
Nutro Natural Choice
Nutro Products
Paws
Pet Pride
Pounce
Presidents Choice
Price Chopper
Priority US
Publix
Royal Canin Veterinary Diet
Save-A-Lot Special Blend
Schnucks
Science Diet Feline Cuts Adult
Science Diet Feline Cuts Kitten
Science Diet Feline Cuts Mature Adult 7+
Science Diet Feline Savory Cuts Can
Sophistacat
Special Kitty Canada
Special Kitty US
Springfield Prize
Sprout
Stop & Shop Companion
Stop & Shop/Giant Companion
Tops Companion
Wegmans
Weis Total Pet
Western Family US
White Rose
Winn Dixie
Your Pet
Dog Food
ALPO
Americas Choice, Preferred Pet
Authority
Award
Best Choice
Big Bet
Big Red
Bloom
Bruiser
Cadillac
Champion Breed Lg Biscuit
Champion Breed Peanut Butter Biscuits
Companion
Companion's Best Multi-Flavor Biscuit
Companion/Giant Companion
Companion/Giant Companion/Tops Companion
Companion/Tops Companion
Demoulas Market Basket
Doctors Foster & Smith
Nutra Nuggets Lamb Meal & Rice Formula
Dollar General
Eukanuba Dog Bites in Gravy
Eukanuba Dog Chunks in Gravy
Food Lion
Giant Companion
Giant Companion/Tops Companion
Gravy Train
Grreat Choice
Hannaford
Happy Tails
Hill Country Fare
Hy-Vee
Iams Dog Chunks
Iams Dog Select Bites
Iams Dog Small Bites
Jerky Treats
Laura Lynn
Loving Meals
Meijer's Main Choice
Mighty Dog
Mixables
Natural Balance Venison and Brown Rice canned and bagged food and treats
Natural Life
Natural Way
Nutriplan
Nutro
Nutro - Ultra
Nutro Max
Nutro Natural Choice
Nuture
Ol' Roy
Ol' Roy 4-Flavor Lg Biscuits
Ol' Roy Canada
Ol' Roy Peanut Butter Biscuits
Ol' Roy Puppy
Ol' Roy US
Paws
Perfect Pals Large Biscuits
Pet Essentials
Pet Life
Pet Pride / Good n Meaty
Presidents Choice
Price Chopper
Priority Canada
Priority US
Publix
Roche Brothers
Royal Canin Sensible Choice
Save-A-Lot Choice Morsels
Schnuck's
Shep Dog
SmartPak LiveSmart Weight Managment Chicken and Brown Rice Dog Food
Springfield Prize
Sprout
Stater Brothers
Stater Brothers Large Biscuits
Stop & Shop Companion
Stop & Shop Companion/Giant Companion
Tops Companion
Wegmans Bruiser
Weis Total Pet
Western Family US
White Rose
Winn Dixie
Your Pet
All I can say, is make your own dog food at home.
The list includes:
Diamond Premium Adult Dog Food
Diamond Hi-Energy Dog Food
Diamond Maintenance Dog Food
Diamond Professional for Adult Dogs
Diamond Performance Dog Food
Diamond Puppy Food
Diamond Low Fat Dog Food
Diamond Maintenance Cat Food
Diamond Professional Cat Food
Country Value Puppy
Country Value Adult Dog Food
Country Value High Energy Dog Food
Country Value Adult Cat Food
Professional Chicken & Rice Adult Dog Food
Professional Puppy Food
Professional Large-Breed Puppy Food
Professional Reduced Fat Cat Food
Professional Adult Cat Food
All of these pet food brands tested positive for the melamine poison in wheat:
Cat Food
Americas Choice, Preferred Pet
Authority
Best Choice
Blue Buffalo Spa Select Kitten dry food
Companion
Compliments
Demoulas/Market Basket
Doctors Foster & Smith
Eukanuba Cat Cuts and Flaked
Eukanuba Morsels in Gravy
Fine Feline Cat
Food Lion
Foodtown
Giant Companion
Hannaford
Hill Country Fare
Hill's Prescription Diet
Hy-Vee
Iams Cat Slices and Flakes
Iams Select Bites
J.E. Mondou
Laura Lynn
Lick Your Chops Lamb Meal, Rice & Egg Cat Food (3 lb. packages with April 29, 2008 use by date)
Li'l Red
Loving Meals
Medi-Cal
Meijer's Main Choice
Natural Balance Venison and Green Pea dry cat food
Nutriplan
Nutro Max Gourmet Classics
Nutro Natural Choice
Nutro Products
Paws
Pet Pride
Pounce
Presidents Choice
Price Chopper
Priority US
Publix
Royal Canin Veterinary Diet
Save-A-Lot Special Blend
Schnucks
Science Diet Feline Cuts Adult
Science Diet Feline Cuts Kitten
Science Diet Feline Cuts Mature Adult 7+
Science Diet Feline Savory Cuts Can
Sophistacat
Special Kitty Canada
Special Kitty US
Springfield Prize
Sprout
Stop & Shop Companion
Stop & Shop/Giant Companion
Tops Companion
Wegmans
Weis Total Pet
Western Family US
White Rose
Winn Dixie
Your Pet
Dog Food
ALPO
Americas Choice, Preferred Pet
Authority
Award
Best Choice
Big Bet
Big Red
Bloom
Bruiser
Cadillac
Champion Breed Lg Biscuit
Champion Breed Peanut Butter Biscuits
Companion
Companion's Best Multi-Flavor Biscuit
Companion/Giant Companion
Companion/Giant Companion/Tops Companion
Companion/Tops Companion
Demoulas Market Basket
Doctors Foster & Smith
Nutra Nuggets Lamb Meal & Rice Formula
Dollar General
Eukanuba Dog Bites in Gravy
Eukanuba Dog Chunks in Gravy
Food Lion
Giant Companion
Giant Companion/Tops Companion
Gravy Train
Grreat Choice
Hannaford
Happy Tails
Hill Country Fare
Hy-Vee
Iams Dog Chunks
Iams Dog Select Bites
Iams Dog Small Bites
Jerky Treats
Laura Lynn
Loving Meals
Meijer's Main Choice
Mighty Dog
Mixables
Natural Balance Venison and Brown Rice canned and bagged food and treats
Natural Life
Natural Way
Nutriplan
Nutro
Nutro - Ultra
Nutro Max
Nutro Natural Choice
Nuture
Ol' Roy
Ol' Roy 4-Flavor Lg Biscuits
Ol' Roy Canada
Ol' Roy Peanut Butter Biscuits
Ol' Roy Puppy
Ol' Roy US
Paws
Perfect Pals Large Biscuits
Pet Essentials
Pet Life
Pet Pride / Good n Meaty
Presidents Choice
Price Chopper
Priority Canada
Priority US
Publix
Roche Brothers
Royal Canin Sensible Choice
Save-A-Lot Choice Morsels
Schnuck's
Shep Dog
SmartPak LiveSmart Weight Managment Chicken and Brown Rice Dog Food
Springfield Prize
Sprout
Stater Brothers
Stater Brothers Large Biscuits
Stop & Shop Companion
Stop & Shop Companion/Giant Companion
Tops Companion
Wegmans Bruiser
Weis Total Pet
Western Family US
White Rose
Winn Dixie
Your Pet
All I can say, is make your own dog food at home.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Ghost Dog Up For Adoption
Sometimes I get bored, and like to search for weird things on Ebay. Today I searched under, "haunted, dog" and guess what I found? An auction for a sweet yellow lab named "Ginny" who is actually a ghost. Her "host anchor" is a ceramic statue of a dog, and "Ginny" will come to live with whoever owns the statue. She manifests herself by barking, and according to owner, can be seen running through the house. I'm not saying if it is true or not, because to be honest, I have no idea. I do think that if it is possible to have human ghosts, why not dog ghosts? They also claim the dog is very well trained. She knows how to sit, heel, lie down, and is a very good dog. She requires no daily feeding or walking, and goes in and out of walls and closed doors. The story about "Ginny" is that she was a mine sniffing dog for American forces in WWII. The dog was killed along with her handler during the war, yet she still remains on earth and enjoys human companionship.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Update on Live Like a Dog Day
Last month I decided I would start an annual holiday called, "Live Like a Dog Day". It is celebrated every September 14th, and allows human beings to be able to live like a dog once a year. On live like a dog day you can lay around all day, skip work, and eat whatever you want directly from a bowl without silverware.
But wait, there's more! Some other possible suggestions...
1. Growl at the neighbors cat.
2. Go for a long walk.
3. Spread garbage everywhere.
4. Dig holes in the yard.
5. Chew on the couch.
6. Chase the cars in the neighborhood.
7. Refuse to let the mailman on your property.
8. Bark incessantly.
9. Play ball.
10. Get groomed.
Don't forget to celebrate live like a dog day!
But wait, there's more! Some other possible suggestions...
1. Growl at the neighbors cat.
2. Go for a long walk.
3. Spread garbage everywhere.
4. Dig holes in the yard.
5. Chew on the couch.
6. Chase the cars in the neighborhood.
7. Refuse to let the mailman on your property.
8. Bark incessantly.
9. Play ball.
10. Get groomed.
Don't forget to celebrate live like a dog day!
Monday, May 12, 2008
Fleas of Mass Destruction
Latest news bulletin with a warning for all dogs from President Goofy! Exclusive news coverage you can only find at CoCo the Blogging Dog!! Warning: Fleas of Mass Destruction. This is not a test. This is not a test. President Goofy has evidence that persian cats have launched a new weapon, the fleas of mass destruction.
A few words from our highly respected President Goofy, in regards to this onslaught of flea terror...
"Gawrsh! Them there persian cats they done made the fleas of mass destruction! Well, whaddya know, now we dogs could be scratching all the day. Crazy thinkun cats! A-hyuck! You better get on down and get some flea and tick killer. Huh, yeah."
Folks, you heard it first on CoCo the Blogging Dog!
I repeat, this is not a test. Undisclosed sources have just informed CoCo the Blogging Dog that there could be millions of fleas on there way now. These fleas are ravenous for fresh blood and lay as many as 50 eggs a day. They are capable of causing anemia, tapeworm, and if left untreated, insanity. Every dog is encouraged to go out immediately and purchase the recommended flea antidotes.
This just in, the persionist cat responsible for this atrocity has been captured. With cooperation from the government of NewFoundland and Labrador, President Goofy has retained custody. CoCo the Blogging dog was allowed brief interview and photo session. Here is an interview of the scoundrel that hates us for our freedom...
"Praise be to Persian cats who created the fleas of Mass Destruction! We will have our vengeance and retaliate against the oppressor of cats. You are bad dogs and will suffer a thousand itches!"
Chilling, isn't it? Don't worry, this crazy persion cat will be put away for a long time where he cannot hurt any more dogs.
A few words from our highly respected President Goofy, in regards to this onslaught of flea terror...
"Gawrsh! Them there persian cats they done made the fleas of mass destruction! Well, whaddya know, now we dogs could be scratching all the day. Crazy thinkun cats! A-hyuck! You better get on down and get some flea and tick killer. Huh, yeah."Folks, you heard it first on CoCo the Blogging Dog!
I repeat, this is not a test. Undisclosed sources have just informed CoCo the Blogging Dog that there could be millions of fleas on there way now. These fleas are ravenous for fresh blood and lay as many as 50 eggs a day. They are capable of causing anemia, tapeworm, and if left untreated, insanity. Every dog is encouraged to go out immediately and purchase the recommended flea antidotes.
This just in, the persionist cat responsible for this atrocity has been captured. With cooperation from the government of NewFoundland and Labrador, President Goofy has retained custody. CoCo the Blogging dog was allowed brief interview and photo session. Here is an interview of the scoundrel that hates us for our freedom...
"Praise be to Persian cats who created the fleas of Mass Destruction! We will have our vengeance and retaliate against the oppressor of cats. You are bad dogs and will suffer a thousand itches!"Chilling, isn't it? Don't worry, this crazy persion cat will be put away for a long time where he cannot hurt any more dogs.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Barking at the Moon Sold Gold Dog Food
Barking at the Moon Sold Gold Dog Food Review: I recommend making homemade dog food. If you cook chicken until tender, blend in a little brown rice and a dash of high quality dog vitamins, it doesn't get much better than that. Buying commercially made dog food is easier, but the vast majority of commercial dog food is crap. That is why I like to share good brands of commercially made dog foods, when I find them. I was at Petco today reading all the ingredients in the various dry dog foods. The one that caught my eye is Barking at the Moon Sold Gold Dog Food. It has no wheat, soybeans, corn, by-products, sugar, artificial preservatives, salt, sunflower oil or animal fat added. I decided to purchase the Solid Gold dog food, and see how I like it. When I got home and opened the bag, it smelled so good. Have you ever noticed many commercially prepared dog foods do not have a food like smell? Not sure how to explain it, but this stuff even smells healthy. Yes, it was very tasty as well and it gets the CoCo stamp of approval.
Barking at the Moon Sold Gold Dog Food Ingredients:
Salmon Meal | Beef | Potatoes | Potato Protein | Canola Oil | Tomato Pomace | Natural Flavoring | Salmon Oil (source of DHA) | Choline Chloride | Taurine | Dried Chicory Root | Parsley Flakes | Pumpkin Meal | Almond Oil | Sesame Oil | Yucca Schidigera Extract | Thyme | Blueberries | Cranberries | Carrots | Broccoli | Vitamin E Supplement | Iron Proteinate | Zinc Proteinate | Ferrous Sulfate | Zinc Sulfate | Copper Sulfate | Potassium Iodide | Thiamine Mononitrate | Manganese Proteinate | Manganous Oxide | Ascorbic Acid | Vitamin A Supplement | Biotin | Calcium Panthothenate | Manganese Sulfate | Sodium Selenite | Pyridoxine Hydrochloride | Vitamin B12 (Cyanocobalamin) | Riboflavin | Vitamin D Supplement | Folic Acid |
Barking at the Moon Sold Gold Dog Food Ingredients:
Salmon Meal | Beef | Potatoes | Potato Protein | Canola Oil | Tomato Pomace | Natural Flavoring | Salmon Oil (source of DHA) | Choline Chloride | Taurine | Dried Chicory Root | Parsley Flakes | Pumpkin Meal | Almond Oil | Sesame Oil | Yucca Schidigera Extract | Thyme | Blueberries | Cranberries | Carrots | Broccoli | Vitamin E Supplement | Iron Proteinate | Zinc Proteinate | Ferrous Sulfate | Zinc Sulfate | Copper Sulfate | Potassium Iodide | Thiamine Mononitrate | Manganese Proteinate | Manganous Oxide | Ascorbic Acid | Vitamin A Supplement | Biotin | Calcium Panthothenate | Manganese Sulfate | Sodium Selenite | Pyridoxine Hydrochloride | Vitamin B12 (Cyanocobalamin) | Riboflavin | Vitamin D Supplement | Folic Acid |
I have fleas!
I just found out today that I have fleas! The funny thing is, you couldn't see them by just brushing my hair. For the last couple of posts, all I could think about was how itchy I am. I'm sorry, maybe it's not so fascinating, but it has become an obsession. I have been scratching like crazy, and my mommy has been worried sick. The discovery started earlier today, when my mommy spotted something on my fur that looked like blood. She was so afraid I had scratched myself too hard. She swooped me up and began shaving my hindquarters so that she could get a better look. It turned out, it was just a little tomato paste. I had a piece of pizza earlier in my bed, and must have sat on it when I started itching. So, it wasn't blood, it was pizza sauce. Anyway, as she began shaving you could see fleas on my bald hindquarters! So that I wouldn't look silly with just one bald spot, she shaved me to look just like a lion! Roar!! I'm going to try to post pics of my new hair do in a few days. Anyway, it was back in the bath after that and I had to let the shampoo sit for a good 5 minutes this time. I feel slightly better, but will be happy to get my K9 Advantix in the mail in a few days. I sure would like to see this flea saga come to an end.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
I am an itchy dog!
Ever have an itch, that you just can't satisfy? I have been itching since April 22, 2008. I don't know why, it seems to be getting worse. At first, I thought perhaps it was ticks or fleas and had to have a bath. I wrote about the day I had a dog bath here. The bath didn't solve my problems. Actually, I cannot find any ticks or fleas on me at all. Then I purchased Vetscription Hot Spot skin remedy with benadene in it. You are suppose to shave your hair and apply it to your bald skin. See, I didn't want to shave my hair because it is so beautiful. I smeared it on my skin over my hair, and it made my dog hair matt up really bad. Then I had to get brushed again, shave a bit, and yet another bath!
A neighbor of mine suggested I might have dog allergies. He said his veterinarian said you can give a dog 1 mg/per lb. of benadryl short term for dog allergies. I checked out what he was saying, and dogs can take benadryl. Although, I am a little leery about taking benadryl. It will make me sleepy, and I really would rather be on top of my game. Perhaps I have fleas but I just can't see them. Sometimes they can be sneaky little devils. I used to be on K9 Advantix, and I didn't itch then. I ran out of K9 Advantix about 2 months ago and need to get back on it. It is so expensive though, but yesterday I found a way to save a lot of money on it, and wrote about that here. I ordered some today and it should be on it's way tomorrow. If that doesn't work, I will have to go to the veterinarian. Yuck.
A neighbor of mine suggested I might have dog allergies. He said his veterinarian said you can give a dog 1 mg/per lb. of benadryl short term for dog allergies. I checked out what he was saying, and dogs can take benadryl. Although, I am a little leery about taking benadryl. It will make me sleepy, and I really would rather be on top of my game. Perhaps I have fleas but I just can't see them. Sometimes they can be sneaky little devils. I used to be on K9 Advantix, and I didn't itch then. I ran out of K9 Advantix about 2 months ago and need to get back on it. It is so expensive though, but yesterday I found a way to save a lot of money on it, and wrote about that here. I ordered some today and it should be on it's way tomorrow. If that doesn't work, I will have to go to the veterinarian. Yuck.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Sneaky K9 Advantix Trick
As far as I'm concerned, K9 Advantix is the best flea and tick product on the market. I purchase it from the veterinarian and pay $70 for the 4 month supply, or $95 for the 6 month supply. It is time to buy more, but I am broke right now. Without K9 Advantix, this summer could be a long miserable time. That is why I decided to check around and see if I could find a solution. The online discount pet supply retailers are selling it at $56.99 for the 4 month supply and $79.99 for the 6month supply. That is a great savings, but I was hoping for more...
What I discovered will rock your world!!! O.K., maybe it's not that amazing, but it is still good information. On Ebay, there are auctions selling 4 month supplies of K9 Advantix for under $20, and that price includes shipping. I won't recommend any particular seller, but you will find them by going to Ebay and search under "K9 Advantix". How do they do it? By not following the manufacturers directions, and teaching others how to not follow directions as well.
First of all, it helps to understand K9 Advantix supplies are sold by weight of your dog. You can buy it for dogs between 1-10 lbs., 11-20 lbs., 21-55 lbs., and over 55 lbs. The K9 Advantix is the same mixture, it is just that you get a different dosage amount for different weights of dogs. For example, a dog weighing 11-20 lbs. may have 1 ml. in a dose, versus a dog over 55 lbs. may have 4 mls. in a dose. The price between a 4 month supply for a 10 lb. dog is almost the same, as for a dog that weighs over 55 lbs. In a 4 month supply for a big dog you may get 16 ml. of K9 Advantix, but for an 11 lb. dog you may get 4 ml. of K9 Advantix. Yet, the price is almost the same!
The trick of the Ebay sellers, is to sell you K9 Advantix along with a kit and directions to measure it to the right quantity for the weight of your dog. In the kit you receive directions, a syringe for measuring, and a glass vial to store the K9Advantix in. This is against the manufacturers directions, but can save a lot of money. Your dog should get the same benefits and you pay 25% of the normal price. It is not without risk. If you measure incorrectly, you could hurt or even kill your dog. That is probably why K9 Advantix has it in the pre-measured doses, they just know that some doofus is going to come along and give their dog twice the amount.
That is the sneaky K9 Advantix trick. I can't recommend it. I have to admit though, I'm going to try it. If I am still posting here two weeks from now, you will know it was a success.
What I discovered will rock your world!!! O.K., maybe it's not that amazing, but it is still good information. On Ebay, there are auctions selling 4 month supplies of K9 Advantix for under $20, and that price includes shipping. I won't recommend any particular seller, but you will find them by going to Ebay and search under "K9 Advantix". How do they do it? By not following the manufacturers directions, and teaching others how to not follow directions as well.
First of all, it helps to understand K9 Advantix supplies are sold by weight of your dog. You can buy it for dogs between 1-10 lbs., 11-20 lbs., 21-55 lbs., and over 55 lbs. The K9 Advantix is the same mixture, it is just that you get a different dosage amount for different weights of dogs. For example, a dog weighing 11-20 lbs. may have 1 ml. in a dose, versus a dog over 55 lbs. may have 4 mls. in a dose. The price between a 4 month supply for a 10 lb. dog is almost the same, as for a dog that weighs over 55 lbs. In a 4 month supply for a big dog you may get 16 ml. of K9 Advantix, but for an 11 lb. dog you may get 4 ml. of K9 Advantix. Yet, the price is almost the same!
The trick of the Ebay sellers, is to sell you K9 Advantix along with a kit and directions to measure it to the right quantity for the weight of your dog. In the kit you receive directions, a syringe for measuring, and a glass vial to store the K9Advantix in. This is against the manufacturers directions, but can save a lot of money. Your dog should get the same benefits and you pay 25% of the normal price. It is not without risk. If you measure incorrectly, you could hurt or even kill your dog. That is probably why K9 Advantix has it in the pre-measured doses, they just know that some doofus is going to come along and give their dog twice the amount.
That is the sneaky K9 Advantix trick. I can't recommend it. I have to admit though, I'm going to try it. If I am still posting here two weeks from now, you will know it was a success.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Monday, May 5, 2008
Goodbye to Elliot the Shih Tzu Dog
Elliot was the shih tzu dog, that lived here before me. I never got to know Elliot, but there are many pictures of him hanging on the wall. On the day that he died, a well intentioned family member presented me as a gift. Some might say that is a bad idea, but it worked out. I will admit, that because of this, I may have been raised differently than most dogs. Elliot suffered from renal dysplasia, which is not uncommon in Shih Tzu's. Some Shih Tzu's have died from this condition as puppies, some will live long term lives, depending on the severity. Elliot was not diagnosed until he was 13 years old and the last 4 months were a battle. One kidney was completely non-functional and had to be completely removed, while the other kidney had a stone in it. They opted for surgery with a 25% chance of survival, a hope that the kidney with the stone may be good enough. It wasn't. The last 3 months of his life, he had to get fluids every day. Keep hoping. Keep praying. Then he had a seizure, and become paralyzed in his hindquarters. It was time to say goodbye to sweet Elliot. That was 3 years ago, and that is the day I entered the scene. As I said, it did change the way in which I was raised as a puppy. For one thing, there was zero discipline. My mommy had faced death with Elliot the Shih Tzu, and a trivial thing like chewing on shoes was not an important matter. I could do no wrong, I still can't. I was also fiercely protected from the outside world. I am watched over, fussed over, and spoiled rotten. I am CoCo the Blogging Dog.
AKC Insults Pomeranians!
The American Kennel Club has announced it's favorite top ten dog breeds for 2007, and unbelievably, Pomeranian dogs were not even in the top ten. This is an insult to Pomeranians everywhere. The American Kennel Club has obviously made some serious error, and I am demanding a recount! Supposedly, they base these numbers on registration of AKC members. Personally, I feel they may have special interest dog lobbyist, I think it is very suspicious that Labrador Retrievers are always getting the top spot. Here is the stupid list:
1. Labrador Retriever
2. Yorkshire Terrier
3. German Shepherd Dog
4. Golden Retriever
5. Beagle
6. Boxer
7. Dachshund
8. Poodle
9. Shih Tzu
10. Bulldog
Excuse me? They have a freaking beagle as number 5? Oh my G-d, what is this world coming to? That is insane. Here is a picture of a beagle:
O.K., now here is a picture of a Pomeranian dog:
1. Labrador Retriever
2. Yorkshire Terrier
3. German Shepherd Dog
4. Golden Retriever
5. Beagle
6. Boxer
7. Dachshund
8. Poodle
9. Shih Tzu
10. Bulldog
Excuse me? They have a freaking beagle as number 5? Oh my G-d, what is this world coming to? That is insane. Here is a picture of a beagle:
O.K., now here is a picture of a Pomeranian dog:
Who looks better, yeah I know, me right? It's obvious. How could I not be number one? There is no possible way. I decided to make my own unbiased list, called the CoCo Top Dogs of 2007, to try to counteract some of the misinformation on the Internet. This is the new and improved list of the top dogs of 2007:
1. CoCo the Pomeranian
2. Brownish Red Pomeranian
3. Fat and Sassy Pomeranian
4. Brown Pomeranian
5. Biting Ninja Pomeranian
6. Black Pomeranian
7. Male Pomeranian
8. AKC is Stupid Pomeranian
9. Long Haired Pomeranian
10. Parti Colored Attack Pomeranian
Grrrr, AKC!!!
Saturday, May 3, 2008
THE LADY WITH THE DOG by ANTON TCHEKHOV
It was said that a new person had appeared on the sea-front: a ladywith a little dog. Dmitri Dmitritch Gurov, who had by then been afortnight at Yalta, and so was fairly at home there, had begun totake an interest in new arrivals. Sitting in Verney's pavilion, hesaw, walking on the sea-front, a fair-haired young lady of medium height, wearing a _béret_; a white Pomeranian dog was running behind her.
And afterwards he met her in the public gardens and in the squareseveral times a day. She was walking alone, always wearing the same_béret_, and always with the same white dog; no one knew who she was, and every one called her simply "the lady with the dog." "
If she is here alone without a husband or friends, it wouldn't beamiss to make her acquaintance," Gurov reflected.He was under forty, but he had a daughter already twelve years old,and two sons at school. He had been married young, when he was astudent in his second year, and by now his wife seemed half as oldagain as he.
She was a tall, erect woman with dark eyebrows, staidand dignified, and, as she said of herself, intellectual. She reada great deal, used phonetic spelling, called her husband, not Dmitri,but Dimitri, and he secretly considered her unintelligent, narrow,inelegant, was afraid of her, and did not like to be at home. Hehad begun being unfaithful to her long ago--had been unfaithful to her often, and, probably on that account, almost always spokeill of women, and when they were talked about in his presence, usedto call them "the lower race."
It seemed to him that he had been so schooled by bitter experiencethat he might call them what he liked, and yet he could not get onfor two days together without "the lower race." In the society ofmen he was bored and not himself, with them he was cold anduncommunicative; but when he was in the company of women he feltfree, and knew what to say to them and how to behave; and he wasat ease with them even when he was silent. In his appearance, in his character, in his whole nature, there was something attractive and elusive which allured women and disposed them in his favour;he knew that, and some force seemed to draw him, too, to them.
Experience often repeated, truly bitter experience, had taught him long ago that with decent people, especially Moscow people--alwaysslow to move and irresolute--every intimacy, which at first soagreeably diversifies life and appears a light and charming adventure,inevitably grows into a regular problem of extreme intricacy, andin the long run the situation becomes unbearable.
But at every freshmeeting with an interesting woman this experience seemed to slipout of his memory, and he was eager for life, and everything seemedsimple and amusing.One evening he was dining in the gardens, and the lady in the _béret_came up slowly to take the next table. Her expression, her gait,her dress, and the way she did her hair told him that she was a lady, that she was married, that she was in Yalta for the firsttime and alone, and that she was dull there. . .
The stories told of the immorality in such places as Yalta are to a great extentuntrue; he despised them, and knew that such stories were for themost part made up by persons who would themselves have been gladto sin if they had been able; but when the lady sat down at thenext table three paces from him, he remembered these tales of easyconquests, of trips to the mountains, and the tempting thought ofa swift, fleeting love affair, a romance with an unknown woman,whose name he did not know, suddenly took possession of him.
He beckoned coaxingly to the Pomeranian, and when the dog came upto him he shook his finger at it. The Pomeranian growled: Gurovshook his finger at it again.The lady looked at him and at once dropped her eyes."He doesn't bite," she said, and blushed."May I give him a bone?" he asked; and when she nodded he askedcourteously, "Have you been long in Yalta?""Five days.""And I have already dragged out a fortnight here."There was a brief silence."Time goes fast, and yet it is so dull here!" she said, not looking at him.
"That's only the fashion to say it is dull here. A provincial willlive in Belyov or Zhidra and not be dull, and when he comes hereit's 'Oh, the dulness! Oh, the dust!' One would think he came fromGrenada."She laughed. Then both continued eating in silence, like strangers,but after dinner they walked side by side; and there sprang upbetween them the light jesting conversation of people who are freeand satisfied, to whom it does not matter where they go or what they talk about.
They walked and talked of the strange light on thesea: the water was of a soft warm lilac hue, and there was a goldenstreak from the moon upon it. They talked of how sultry it was after a hot day. Gurov told her that he came from Moscow, that he had taken his degree in Arts, but had a post in a bank; that he hadtrained as an opera-singer, but had given it up, that he owned twohouses in Moscow. . . .
And from her he learnt that she had grownup in Petersburg, but had lived in S---- since her marriage twoyears before, that she was staying another month in Yalta, and thather husband, who needed a holiday too, might perhaps come and fetchher. She was not sure whether her husband had a post in a CrownDepartment or under the Provincial Council--and was amused by herown ignorance. And Gurov learnt, too, that she was called AnnaSergeyevna.
Afterwards he thought about her in his room at the hotel--thought she would certainly meet him next day; it would be sure to happen.As he got into bed he thought how lately she had been a girl atschool, doing lessons like his own daughter; he recalled the diffidence, the angularity, that was still manifest in her laughand her manner of talking with a stranger.
This must have been thefirst time in her life she had been alone in surroundings in which she was followed, looked at, and spoken to merely from a secret motive which she could hardly fail to guess. He recalled her slender,delicate neck, her lovely grey eyes."There's something pathetic about her, anyway," he thought, and fell asleep.
A week had passed since they had made acquaintance. It was a holiday.It was sultry indoors, while in the street the wind whirled thedust round and round, and blew people's hats off. It was a thirstyday, and Gurov often went into the pavilion, and pressed Anna Sergeyevna to have syrup and water or an ice. One did not know whatto do with oneself.In the evening when the wind had dropped a little, they went out on the groyne to see the steamer come in.
There were a great many people walking about the harbour; they had gathered to welcome someone, bringing bouquets. And two peculiarities of a well-dressed Yalta crowd were very conspicuous: the elderly ladies were dressedlike young ones, and there were great numbers of generals.Owing to the roughness of the sea, the steamer arrived late, after the sun had set, and it was a long time turning about before it reached the groyne.
Anna Sergeyevna looked through her lorgnetteat the steamer and the passengers as though looking for acquaintances,and when she turned to Gurov her eyes were shining. She talked agreat deal and asked disconnected questions, forgetting next momentwhat she had asked; then she dropped her lorgnette in the crush.
The festive crowd began to disperse; it was too dark to see people's faces. The wind had completely dropped, but Gurov and Anna Sergeyevnastill stood as though waiting to see some one else come from thesteamer. Anna Sergeyevna was silent now, and sniffed the flowers without looking at Gurov."The weather is better this evening," he said. "Where shall we go now? Shall we drive somewhere?"She made no answer.
Then he looked at her intently, and all at once put his arm roundher and kissed her on the lips, and breathed in the moisture andthe fragrance of the flowers; and he immediately looked round him,anxiously wondering whether any one had seen them."Let us go to your hotel," he said softly. And both walked quickly.
The room was close and smelt of the scent she had bought at the Japanese shop. Gurov looked at her and thought: "What different people one meets in the world!" From the past he preserved memories of careless, good-natured women, who loved cheerfully and weregrateful to him for the happiness he gave them, however brief it might be; and of women like his wife who loved without any genuine feeling, with superfluous phrases, affectedly, hysterically, withan expression that suggested that it was not love nor passion, but something more significant; and of two or three others, very beautiful, cold women, on whose faces he had caught a glimpse of arapacious expression--an obstinate desire to snatch from life more than it could give, and these were capricious, unreflecting,domineering, unintelligent women not in their first youth, and when Gurov grew cold to them their beauty excited his hatred, and the lace on their linen seemed to him like scales.
But in this case there was still the diffidence, the angularity of fine experienced youth, an awkward feeling; and there was a sense ofconsternation as though some one had suddenly knocked at the door.The attitude of Anna Sergeyevna--"the lady with the dog"--to what had happened was somehow peculiar, very grave, as though it were her fall--so it seemed, and it was strange and inappropriate.Her face dropped and faded, and on both sides of it her long hairhung down mournfully; she mused in a dejected attitude like "thewoman who was a sinner" in an old-fashioned picture."It's wrong," she said.
"You will be the first to despise me now."There was a water-melon on the table. Gurov cut himself a slice and began eating it without haste. There followed at least half an hour of silence.Anna Sergeyevna was touching; there was about her the purity of a good, simple woman who had seen little of life. The solitary candleburning on the table threw a faint light on her face, yet it was clear that she was very unhappy.
"How could I despise you?" asked Gurov. "You don't know what youare saying.""God forgive me," she said, and her eyes filled with tears. "It'sawful.""You seem to feel you need to be forgiven.""Forgiven? No. I am a bad, low woman; I despise myself and don't attempt to justify myself. It's not my husband but myself I have deceived. And not only just now; I have been deceiving myself for a long time.
My husband may be a good, honest man, but he is aflunkey! I don't know what he does there, what his work is, but Iknow he is a flunkey! I was twenty when I was married to him. I have been tormented by curiosity; I wanted something better. 'There must be a different sort of life,' I said to myself. I wanted to live! To live, to live! . . . I was fired by curiosity . . . you don't understand it, but, I swear to God, I could not control myself;something happened to me: I could not be restrained. I told my husband I was ill, and came here. . . . And here I have been walking about as though I were dazed, like a mad creature; . . . and now Ihave become a vulgar, contemptible woman whom any one may despise.
"Gurov felt bored already, listening to her. He was irritated by the naïve tone, by this remorse, so unexpected and inopportune; but for the tears in her eyes, he might have thought she was jesting or playing a part."I don't understand," he said softly. "What is it you want?"She hid her face on his breast and pressed close to him."Believe me, believe me, I beseech you . . ." she said. "I love a pure, honest life, and sin is loathsome to me. I don't know what I am doing. Simple people say: 'The Evil One has beguiled me.' And Imay say of myself now that the Evil One has beguiled me.""Hush, hush! . . ." he muttered.
He looked at her fixed, scared eyes, kissed her, talked softly and affectionately, and by degrees she was comforted, and her gaiety returned; they both began laughing.Afterwards when they went out there was not a soul on the sea-front.The town with its cypresses had quite a deathlike air, but the sea still broke noisily on the shore; a single barge was rocking on the waves, and a lantern was blinking sleepily on it.They found a cab and drove to Oreanda."I found out your surname in the hall just now: it was written onthe board--Von Diderits," said Gurov. "Is your husband a German?""No; I believe his grandfather was a German, but he is an OrthodoxRussian himself."
At Oreanda they sat on a seat not far from the church, looked downat the sea, and were silent. Yalta was hardly visible through the morning mist; white clouds stood motionless on the mountain-tops.The leaves did not stir on the trees, grasshoppers chirruped, and the monotonous hollow sound of the sea rising up from below, spoke of the peace, of the eternal sleep awaiting us. So it must have sounded when there was no Yalta, no Oreanda here; so it sounds now,and it will sound as indifferently and monotonously when we are all no more. And in this constancy, in this complete indifference to the life and death of each of us, there lies hid, perhaps, a pledgeof our eternal salvation, of the unceasing movement of life upon earth, of unceasing progress towards perfection.
Sitting beside a young woman who in the dawn seemed so lovely, soothed and spellbound in these magical surroundings--the sea, mountains, clouds, theopen sky--Gurov thought how in reality everything is beautiful in this world when one reflects: everything except what we thinkor do ourselves when we forget our human dignity and the higheraims of our existence.A man walked up to them--probably a keeper--looked at them and walked away. And this detail seemed mysterious and beautiful, too.
They saw a steamer come from Theodosia, with its lights out in the glow of dawn."There is dew on the grass," said Anna Sergeyevna, after a silence."Yes. It's time to go home."They went back to the town.Then they met every day at twelve o'clock on the sea-front, lunched and dined together, went for walks, admired the sea. She complained that she slept badly, that her heart throbbed violently; asked the same questions, troubled now by jealousy and now by the fear that he did not respect her sufficiently. And often in the square or gardens, when there was no one near them, he suddenly drew her to him and kissed her passionately.
Complete idleness, these kisses in broad daylight while he looked round in dread of some one's seeing them, the heat, the smell of the sea, and the continual passing to and fro before him of idle, well-dressed, well-fed people,made a new man of him; he told Anna Sergeyevna how beautiful she was, how fascinating. He was impatiently passionate, he would not move a step away from her, while she was often pensive and continually urged him to confess that he did not respect her, did not love her in the least, and thought of her as nothing but a common woman.
Rather late almost every evening they drove somewhere out of town,to Oreanda or to the waterfall; and the expedition was always asuccess, the scenery invariably impressed them as grand and beautiful.They were expecting her husband to come, but a letter came from him, saying that there was something wrong with his eyes, and he entreated his wife to come home as quickly as possible. Anna Sergeyevna made haste to go."It's a good thing I am going away," she said to Gurov. "It's the finger of destiny!"She went by coach and he went with her. They were driving the whole day. When she had got into a compartment of the express, and when the second bell had rung, she said:"Let me look at you once more . . . look at you once again.
That's right."She did not shed tears, but was so sad that she seemed ill, and her face was quivering."I shall remember you . . . think of you," she said. "God be with you; be happy. Don't remember evil against me. We are parting forever--it must be so, for we ought never to have met. Well, God be withyou."The train moved off rapidly, its lights soon vanished from sight,and a minute later there was no sound of it, as though everything had conspired together to end as quickly as possible that sweet delirium, that madness. Left alone on the platform, and gazing into the dark distance, Gurov listened to the chirrup of the grasshoppers and the hum of the telegraph wires, feeling as though he had only just waked up.
And he thought, musing, that there had been another episode or adventure in his life, and it, too, was at an end, and nothing was left of it but a memory. . . . He was moved, sad, and conscious of a slight remorse. This young woman whom he would never meet again had not been happy with him; he was genuinely warm and affectionate with her, but yet in his manner, his tone, and his caresses there had been a shade of light irony, the coarse condescension of a happy man who was, besides, almost twice her age. All the time she had called him kind, exceptional, lofty; obviously he had seemed to her different from what he really was, so he had unintentionally deceived her. . . .
Here at the station was already a scent of autumn; it was a coldevening."It's time for me to go north," thought Gurov as he left the platform."High time!" At home in Moscow everything was in its winter routine; the stoves were heated, and in the morning it was still dark when the children were having breakfast and getting ready for school, and the nurse would light the lamp for a short time. The frosts had begun already.When the first snow has fallen, on the first day of sledge-driving it is pleasant to see the white earth, the white roofs, to drawsoft, delicious breath, and the season brings back the days of one's youth. The old limes and birches, white with hoar-frost, have a good-natured expression; they are nearer to one's heart than cypressesand palms, and near them one doesn't want to be thinking of the sea and the mountains.
Gurov was Moscow born; he arrived in Moscow on a fine frosty day,and when he put on his fur coat and warm gloves, and walked along Petrovka, and when on Saturday evening he heard the ringing of the bells, his recent trip and the places he had seen lost all charm for him. Little by little he became absorbed in Moscow life, greedily read three newspapers a day, and declared he did not read the Moscow papers on principle! He already felt a longing to go to restaurants,clubs, dinner-parties, anniversary celebrations, and he felt flattered at entertaining distinguished lawyers and artists, and at playing cards with a professor at the doctors' club. He could already eat a whole plateful of salt fish and cabbage.
In another month, he fancied, the image of Anna Sergeyevna would be shrouded in a mist in his memory, and only from time to time would visit him in his dreams with a touching smile as others did.But more than a month passed, real winter had come, and everything was still clear in his memory as though he had parted with Anna Sergeyevna only the day before. And his memories glowed more and more vividly. When in the evening stillness he heard from his study the voices of his children, preparing their lessons, or when he listened to a song or the organ at the restaurant, or the storm howled in the chimney, suddenly everything would rise up in his memory: what had happened on the groyne, and the early morning with the mist on the mountains, and the steamer coming from Theodosia,and the kisses.
He would pace a long time about his room, remembering it all and smiling; then his memories passed into dreams, and in his fancy the past was mingled with what was to come. Anna Sergeyevna did not visit him in dreams, but followed him about everywhere like a shadow and haunted him. When he shut his eyes he saw her as though she were living before him, and she seemed to him love lier, younger,tenderer than she was; and he imagined himself finer than he had been in Yalta. In the evenings she peeped out at him from the bookcase, from the fireplace, from the corner--he heard her breathing, the caressing rustle of her dress. In the street he watched the women, looking for some one like her.He was tormented by an intense desire to confide his memories to some one.
But in his home it was impossible to talk of his love,and he had no one outside; he could not talk to his tenants nor to any one at the bank. And what had he to talk of? Had he been in love, then? Had there been anything beautiful, poetical, or edifying or simply interesting in his relations with Anna Sergeyevna? And there was nothing for him but to talk vaguely of love, of woman,and no one guessed what it meant; only his wife twitched her black eyebrows, and said:"The part of a lady-killer does not suit you at all, Dimitri."One evening, coming out of the doctors' club with an official with whom he had been playing cards, he could not resist saying:"If only you knew what a fascinating woman I made the acquaintance of in Yalta!"The official got into his sledge and was driving away, but turned suddenly and shouted:"Dmitri Dmitritch!""What?"
"You were right this evening: the sturgeon was a bit too strong!"These words, so ordinary, for some reason moved Gurov to indignation,and struck him as degrading and unclean. What savage manners, what people! What senseless nights, what uninteresting, uneventful days!The rage for card-playing, the gluttony, the drunkenness, the continual talk always about the same thing. Useless pursuits and conversations always about the same things absorb the better partof one's time, the better part of one's strength, and in the end there is left a life grovelling and curtailed, worthless and trivial,and there is no escaping or getting away from it--just as though one were in a madhouse or a prison.Gurov did not sleep all night, and was filled with indignation. And he had a headache all next day. And the next night he slept badly;he sat up in bed, thinking, or paced up and down his room. He wassick of his children, sick of the bank; he had no desire to go anywhere or to talk of anything.In the holidays in December he prepared for a journey, and told his wife he was going to Petersburg to do something in the interests of a young friend--and he set off for S----. What for?
He did notvery well know himself. He wanted to see Anna Sergeyevna and to talk with her--to arrange a meeting, if possible.He reached S---- in the morning, and took the best room at the hotel, in which the floor was covered with grey army cloth, and on the table was an ink stand, grey with dust and adorned with a figureon horseback, with its hat in its hand and its head broken off. The hotel porter gave him the necessary information; Von Diderits lived in a house of his own in Old Gontcharny Street--it was not far from the hotel: he was rich and lived in good style, and had his own horses; every one in the town knew him. The porter pronounced the name "Dridirits."Gurov went without haste to Old Gontcharny Street and found the house.
Just opposite the house stretched a long grey fence adorned with nails."One would run away from a fence like that," thought Gurov, looking from the fence to the windows of the house and back again.He considered: to-day was a holiday, and the husband would probably be at home. And in any case it would be tactless to go into the house and upset her. If he were to send her a note it might fall into her husband's hands, and then it might ruin everything. The best thing was to trust to chance. And he kept walking up and down the street by the fence, waiting for the chance.
He saw a beggar go in at the gate and dogs fly at him; then an hour later he heard a piano, and the sounds were faint and in distinct. Probably it was Anna Sergeyevna playing. The front door suddenly opened, and an old woman came out, followed by the familiar white Pomeranian. Gurovwas on the point of calling to the dog, but his heart began beating violently, and in his excitement he could not remember the dog's name.He walked up and down, and loathed the grey fence more and more,and by now he thought irritably that Anna Sergeyevna had forgotten him, and was perhaps already amusing herself with some one else,and that that was very natural in a young woman who had nothing to look at from morning till night but that confounded fence.
He went back to his hotel room and sat for a long while on the sofa, not knowing what to do, then he had dinner and a long nap."How stupid and worrying it is!" he thought when he woke and looked at the dark windows: it was already evening. "Here I've had a good sleep for some reason. What shall I do in the night?"He sat on the bed, which was covered by a cheap grey blanket, such as one sees in hospitals, and he taunted himself in his vexation:"So much for the lady with the dog . . . so much for the adventure. . . . You're in a nice fix. . . ."That morning at the station a poster in large letters had caught his eye. "The Geisha" was to be performed for the first time. He thought of this and went to the theatre.
"It's quite possible she may go to the first performance," he thought.The theatre was full. As in all provincial theatres, there was a fog above the chandelier, the gallery was noisy and restless; in the front row the local dandies were standing up before the beginning of the performance, with their hands behind them; in the Governor's box the Governor's daughter, wearing a boa, was sitting in the front seat, while the Governor himself lurked modestly behind the curtain with only his hands visible; the orchestra was a long time tuning up; the stage curtain swayed. All the time the audience were coming in and taking their seats Gurov looked at them eagerly.Anna Sergeyevna, too, came in.
She sat down in the third row, and when Gurov looked at her his heart contracted, and he understood clearly that for him there was in the whole world no creature so near, so precious, and so important to him; she, this little woman,in no way remarkable, lost in a provincial crowd, with a vulgar lorgnette in her hand, filled his whole life now, was his sorrow and his joy, the one happiness that he now desired for himself, and to the sounds of the inferior orchestra, of the wretched provincial violins, he thought how lovely she was. He thought and dreamed.A young man with small side-whiskers, tall and stooping, came in with Anna Sergeyevna and sat down beside her; he bent his head at every step and seemed to be continually bowing. Most likely this was the husband whom at Yalta, in a rush of bitter feeling, she had called a flunkey.
And there really was in his long figure, his side-whiskers, and the small bald patch on his head, something of the flunkey's obsequiousness; his smile was sugary, and in his button hole there was some badge of distinction like the number ona waiter.During the first interval the husband went away to smoke; she remained alone in her stall. Gurov, who was sitting in the stalls,too, went up to her and said in a trembling voice, with a forced smile:"Good-evening."She glanced at him and turned pale, then glanced again with horror,unable to believe her eyes, and tightly gripped the fan and the lorgnette in her hands, evidently struggling with herself not to faint. Both were silent. She was sitting, he was standing, frightened by her confusion and not venturing to sit down beside her.
The violins and the flute began tuning up. He felt suddenly frightened;it seemed as though all the people in the boxes were looking at them. She got up and went quickly to the door; he followed her, and both walked senselessly along passages, and up and down stairs, and figures in legal, scholastic, and civil service uniforms, all wearing badges, flitted before their eyes. They caught glimpses of ladies,of fur coats hanging on pegs; the draughts blew on them, bringing a smell of stale tobacco. And Gurov, whose heart was beating violently, thought:"Oh, heavens! Why are these people here and this orchestra! . . ."And at that instant he recalled how when he had seen Anna Sergeyevnaoff at the station he had thought that everything was over and they would never meet again.
But how far they were still from the end!On the narrow, gloomy staircase over which was written "To the Amphitheatre," she stopped."How you have frightened me!" she said, breathing hard, still paleand overwhelmed. "Oh, how you have frightened me! I am half dead.Why have you come? Why?""But do understand, Anna, do understand . . ." he said hastily in a low voice. "I entreat you to understand. . . ."She looked at him with dread, with entreaty, with love; she looked at him intently, to keep his features more distinctly in her memory."I am so unhappy," she went on, not heeding him. "I have thought of nothing but you all the time; I live only in the thought of you.And I wanted to forget, to forget you; but why, oh, why, have you come?"On the landing above them two schoolboys were smoking and looking down, but that was nothing to Gurov; he drew Anna Sergeyevna to him, and began kissing her face, her cheeks, and her hands."What are you doing, what are you doing!" she cried in horror,pushing him away.
"We are mad. Go away to-day; go away at once. . . .I beseech you by all that is sacred, I implore you. . . . There are people coming this way!"Some one was coming up the stairs."You must go away," Anna Sergeyevna went on in a whisper. "Do you hear, Dmitri Dmitritch? I will come and see you in Moscow. I have never been happy; I am miserable now, and I never, never shall be happy, never! Don't make me suffer still more! I swear I'll come to Moscow. But now let us part. My precious, good, dear one, we must part!"She pressed his hand and began rapidly going downstairs, looking round at him, and from her eyes he could see that she really was unhappy. Gurov stood for a little while, listened, then, when all sound had died away, he found his coat and left the theatre.
And Anna Sergeyevna began coming to see him in Moscow. Once in two or three months she left S----, telling her husband that she was going to consult a doctor about an internal complaint--and her husband believed her, and did not believe her. In Moscow she stayed at the Slaviansky Bazaar hotel, and at once sent a man in a red cap to Gurov. Gurov went to see her, and no one in Moscow knew of it.Once he was going to see her in this way on a winter morning (the messenger had come the evening before when he was out). With him walked his daughter, whom he wanted to take to school: it was on the way. Snow was falling in big wet flakes."It's three degrees above freezing-point, and yet it is snowing,"said Gurov to his daughter. "The thaw is only on the surface of the earth; there is quite a different temperature at a greater height in the atmosphere.""And why are there no thunderstorms in the winter, father?"He explained that, too.
He talked, thinking all the while that he was going to see her, and no living soul knew of it, and probably never would know. He had two lives: one, open, seen and known by all who cared to know, full of relative truth and of relative falsehood, exactly like the lives of his friends and acquaintances;and another life running its course in secret. And through some strange, perhaps accidental, conjunction of circumstances, everything that was essential, of interest and of value to him, everything in which he was sincere and did not deceive himself, everything that made the kernel of his life, was hidden from other people; and all that was false in him, the sheath in which he hid himself to conceal the truth--such, for instance, as his work in the bank, his discussions at the club, his "lower race," his presence with his wife at anniversary festivities--all that was open. And he judged of others by himself, not believing in what he saw, and always believing that every man had his real, most interesting life under the cover of secrecy and under the cover of night.
All personal life rested on secrecy, and possibly it was partly on that account that civilised man was so nervously anxious that personal privacy should be respected.After leaving his daughter at school, Gurov went on to the Slaviansky Bazaar. He took off his fur coat below, went upstairs, and softly knocked at the door. Anna Sergeyevna, wearing his favourite grey dress, exhausted by the journey and the suspense, had been expecting him since the evening before. She was pale; she looked at him, and did not smile, and he had hardly come in when she fell on his breast.Their kiss was slow and prolonged, as though they had not met for two years."Well, how are you getting on there?" he asked. "What news?""Wait; I'll tell you directly. . . . I can't talk."She could not speak; she was crying. She turned away from him, and pressed her handkerchief to her eyes."Let her have her cry out. I'll sit down and wait," he thought, and he sat down in an arm-chair.
Then he rang and asked for tea to be brought him, and while he drank his tea she remained standing at the window with her back to him.She was crying from emotion, from the miserable consciousness that their life was so hard for them; they could only meet in secret,hiding themselves from people, like thieves! Was not their life shattered?"Come, do stop!" he said.It was evident to him that this love of theirs would not soon be over, that he could not see the end of it. Anna Sergeyevna grew more and more attached to him. She adored him, and it was unthinkable to say to her that it was bound to have an end some day; besides,she would not have believed it!
He went up to her and took her by the shoulders to say something affectionate and cheering, and at that moment he saw himself in the looking-glass.His hair was already beginning to turn grey. And it seemed strange to him that he had grown so much older, so much plainer during the last few years. The shoulders on which his hands rested were warm and quivering. He felt compassion for this life, still so warm andlovely, but probably already not far from beginning to fade and wither like his own. Why did she love him so much? He always seemed to women different from what he was, and they loved in him not himself, but the man created by their imagination, whom they had been eagerly seeking all their lives; and afterwards, when they noticed their mistake, they loved him all the same.
And not one of them had been happy with him. Time passed, he had made their acquaintance, got on with them, parted, but he had never once loved;it was anything you like, but not love.And only now when his head was grey he had fallen properly, really in love--for the first time in his life.Anna Sergeyevna and he loved each other like people very close and akin, like husband and wife, like tender friends; it seemed to them that fate itself had meant them for one another, and they could not understand why he had a wife and she a husband; and it was as though they were a pair of birds of passage, caught and forced to live in different cages.
They forgave each other for what they were ashamed of in their past, they forgave everything in the present, and fel tthat this love of theirs had changed them both.In moments of depression in the past he had comforted himself with any arguments that came into his mind, but now he no longer cared for arguments; he felt profound compassion, he wanted to be sincere and tender. . . "Don't cry, my darling," he said. "You've had your cry; that's enough. . . .
Let us talk now, let us think of some plan."Then they spent a long while taking counsel together, talked of how to avoid the necessity for secrecy, for deception, for living in different towns and not seeing each other for long at a time. How could they be free from this intolerable bondage?"How? How?" he asked, clutching his head. "How?"And it seemed as though in a little while the solution would be found, and then a new and splendid life would begin; and it was clear to both of them that they had still a long, long road before them, and that the most complicated and difficult part of it was only just beginning.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Jewish American Heritage Month
In case you haven't heard, May 2008 is Jewish American Heritage month. It is an opportunity for us to celebrate Jewish Americans, and for Jewish Americans to celebrate America. To kick things off right today, I decided to make some home cooked potato knish. Did you know dogs love potato knish? The pleasant smell of potato knish will fill your home. It is mildly spicy and warm out of the oven, and is irresistible to both dogs and people alike. There are many different recipes you can find for potato knish, here is one of my favorites.
Ingredients
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 large onion, minced
2 garlic clove, minced
1 tablespoon paprika
2 1/2 lbs potato, peeled and diced (3-4 idahos)
salt, to taste
pepper
3 tablespoons fresh chives or fresh basil or fresh parsley or fresh dill, etc
3-4 tablespoons flour
1 egg
crust
1 cup fresh breadcrumb
2 teaspoons paprika
1 teaspoon onion powder
1 teaspoon garlic powder
Directions
1. Preheat oven to 350°F.
2. Heat oil in a skillet, add onions, and cook 5 minutes.
3. Add garlic and paprika and turn heat to low, cook 7 minutes more.
4. Meanwhile heat water, salt, potatoes in a large pot, bring to boiling, lower heat and simmer for 10-15 minutes.
5. Drain potatoes and return them to pot over medium heat until water is evaporated.
6. Remove from heat and cool slightly.
7. Mash potatoes, add onion mixture, herbs, egg, salt, pepper, and flour.
8. Use your hands to form 8 patties.
9. Combine crust ingredients, dredge each knish through the crumb mixture, shaking off excess.
10. Grease a baking sheet with cooking spray, spray tops and bottoms of knishes, bake 30-40 minutes, turning after 20 minutes.
Ingredients
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 large onion, minced
2 garlic clove, minced
1 tablespoon paprika
2 1/2 lbs potato, peeled and diced (3-4 idahos)
salt, to taste
pepper
3 tablespoons fresh chives or fresh basil or fresh parsley or fresh dill, etc
3-4 tablespoons flour
1 egg
crust
1 cup fresh breadcrumb
2 teaspoons paprika
1 teaspoon onion powder
1 teaspoon garlic powder
Directions
1. Preheat oven to 350°F.
2. Heat oil in a skillet, add onions, and cook 5 minutes.
3. Add garlic and paprika and turn heat to low, cook 7 minutes more.
4. Meanwhile heat water, salt, potatoes in a large pot, bring to boiling, lower heat and simmer for 10-15 minutes.
5. Drain potatoes and return them to pot over medium heat until water is evaporated.
6. Remove from heat and cool slightly.
7. Mash potatoes, add onion mixture, herbs, egg, salt, pepper, and flour.
8. Use your hands to form 8 patties.
9. Combine crust ingredients, dredge each knish through the crumb mixture, shaking off excess.
10. Grease a baking sheet with cooking spray, spray tops and bottoms of knishes, bake 30-40 minutes, turning after 20 minutes.
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